I have always said there are two kinds of people in the world:
1) Those, who when faced with disapproval or rejection say, “What’s wrong with me?” and
2) Those, who when faced with disapproval or rejection say, “What’s wrong with THEM?”
Those of you who know me and my stupidly optimistic outlook on life will know exactly which category I fall into. But I wanted to say a few words about rejection, fear, and the power it can have over our lives if we let it. Or better stated, some real, practical things we can do to NOT let it have power over our lives in the first place.
Let’s face it, there is not a single one of us that likes to be disapproved of or rejected. Not a single one. And at one point or another, it is going to happen to all of us. I can only write this from the perspective of a person who is constantly asking the “What’s wrong with THEM?” question and with that comes a ton of freedom and blind cheerfulness but this is about something more meaningful than that. It’s about not letting others rob you of your dreams, your goals, and let’s face it…your existence.
There are a few ways to combat the circling-the-drain feeling you get when faced with rejection, or at least a few things that I like to do that have helped. Well, here goes nothing…
1) Ignore it if possible. Literally…pretend it never happened.
This can be done when the person is relatively insignificant in your life and/or the offense was relatively insignificant, but let’s be real, are those not the ones that are the most aggravating!!?? The wonderful side effect of ignoring it is you will either actually forget (like me with the early Alzheimer’s), or with time, think it is so silly that you wonder why you were even upset in the first place.
In action: A coworker of mine felt the need to tell me one day that another coworker disapproved of how I dressed (yes we just time warped back to the 7th grade). Now I wish I could tell you it was because I was wearing stilettos, low cut blouses, and miniskirts, but it was more along the lines of thinking I was too casually dressed for a ‘business casual’ look, which is ridiculous because of course I am one of the best dressed business casual people in the whole organization since I have an amazing fashion sense (there’s that ‘What’s wrong with THEM?’ thing).
Now the FIRST thing I did, which I ALSO highly encourage was to tell the ‘messenger,’ who clearly felt it her ethical obligation to inform me of said trash talking, to never again tell me when someone talked negatively behind my back. I really did, and I made the point that I was very serious. I do not want to know. I fully realize it takes place, but do not need that kind of negativity in my life. Now I think she was a little taken aback by that because some people just love to live in the misery of others and themselves I guess, but the declaration was made none the less. And for good reason, because when I tell you that this wardrobe comment ruined my ENTIRE afternoon, I am not exaggerating.
And like a good hot-headed Italian, I immediately started planning my attack for the next time I worked with said individual and had it all put together and ironed out to effectively scold her, send her on the guilt trip of a lifetime, and humiliate her all in one tidy speech. Boy was I gonna let her have it – in the most appropriate, passive aggressive, professional way possible, of course.
Well…as luck (and God’s grace) would have it, I didn’t see this individual for at least another week and by the time I did, I simply and briefly thought, ‘Oh yeah,’ and that was about it. And when she came in my office to chit chat it up like she always does, I actually sat and listened and did not have a single snarky thought or bad feeling. Because the fact of the matter is, time took care of the adrenaline, and I know that this person actually likes me and is just, well, human…and did what we have ALL done at one time or another; made a poo poo comment about someone in the moment. And to be quite honest, I almost had the inclination to feel bad for my evil plan of mental tarring and feathering. I even made a little mental apology to her as she was yammering on about this and that.
I know you are hoping I’m done, but I’m not…so let’s get on with it…
2) Talk to yourself regular and often.
I recommend this when no one else is listening in addition to triple checking that your cell phone has not butt dialed someone, but truly, this can be so cathartic. I know some people journal, but honestly, I am a product of the digital age and have officially lost the ability to so much as write a shopping list without getting a cramp in my hand. But if you journal, more power!
I have no idea when or how this ensued but I literally started interviewing myself in the car on the way home from work. I do everything from hash out business ideas to argue with my son’s teacher over an unfair grade. It’s great!! And I always win and make the best points! And when I am all through, I have clarified my thoughts, cooled my jets (or as my mom would say ‘put the clutch in’), and/or expelled the emotional part of it so that if I DO actually have to have a conversation with a real human, I am a lot more capable of doing it correctly. As if that's not enough, I have also simultaneously warded off any possible threat of road rage because folks in the cars around me think I am a complete nut case.
Geez, what could number three possibly be after those two nuggets of genius?
3) Keep an email Kudos folder.
In practical terms it may not necessarily be an email folder for everyone, but whatever format makes sense in your life, keep a record of Kudos people give you, in their words…word for word. I actually started doing this at work a couple years ago when I moved into a new position that didn’t exist before I came along, the result being if I so much as belched, it looked like I was doing a great job because there was absolutely nothing to compare to.
I started getting so many 'atta boys' that I literally thought, gosh, I need to keep record of these. One day I was perusing my email folders to clean things up and I came across my Kudos folder that I had steadily been adding to with even the silliest ‘good job’ message. Well, I’ll tell you, it practically brought me to tears, and does every time I read through it. Needless to say it can certainly help combat any, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ days that you might have.
So those are my inspirational thoughts of the day. I hope you love them and try them, and if you don’t, well…there just might be something wrong with you :)
Nothing until your husband and kids go to a high school football game and leave you home by yourself…(nirvana! – Did I say that out loud?)
Basically, this time alone translated into a few things for me:
1. Seaweed and beer for dinner (Don't judge me until you've had the seaweed salad form Frazier Farms!)
2. Endless HGTV, i.e. multiple episodes of Tiny House Hunters! And…
3. Epic success with my lip balm venture!
Is epic success with lip balm venture MUCH sweeter after epic fail with lip balm venture not 48 hours ago, with possibly even a few tears shed? I mean...hypothetically speaking. I would NEVER cry over something as ridiculous as lip balm, Pshhh...
So yeah, my UBER motivation and optimism coupled with my impulsiveness do not always lend themselves to the easy road. I tend to go from A to Z and wrap it up in a bow before I have worked out all the kinks...because OF COURSE my first (and second, and third) ideas are going to work!! Well, you're looking at Plan B in action ladies and gentlemen, and C, and D.
Why am I reliving all this you may ask? Well because it’s always fun to look back on the valley of epic failure from the peak of the mountain of success! Wow! That was Nobel prize winning. At any rate, the real reason is I probably just need to vent. Not the least of which because I wrote this blog not once, but twice, only to have an unnamed website hosting company (look up in the address bar) ERASE IT BOTH TIMES after I hit post!!! No lie, the fact that you are even reading this is all the proof you need that I am the most stubborn human on the face of the planet. With any luck that will lead to obnoxious levels of success in my business :)
So back to the lip balm. The first thing I tried was agave, honey, and coconut nectar mixed with the Shea Butter and Coconut Oil, HELLO! I mean…does that not sound amazing? Yeah, not so much. I was actually trying to do the lip balm without heat like my other products and it was ending up as a runny, sticky mess. So I moved to the liquid extracts which is what I use in the lotions.
So everything was going great…the lip balm looked beautiful from the top, all smooth and smelling great. Therefore unsuspecting lip balm makers go ahead and label, photograph, inventory, and post them in their Etsy store and web store and maybe, ya know…start a Facebook promotional campaign only to then decide to do some quality inspection (these are the little things that wake me up in the middle of the night? Like, 'Is the lip balm really OK??!!'). Well when I cut into the little jerks, they were all liquid underneath their nice little lip balmy exterior!! Liars!!
Needless to say I discovered that the liquid extract can’t incorporate with the rest of the oils and beeswax. Back to the drawing board. After, ya know, soaking, scrubbing, wiping, and scraping off (not free) labels from the tins so as to be economical and reuse them. Show of hands, anyone ever tried to clean something that was filled with a waxy product? How about scraping off upwards of 90 (not free – did I already mention that?) labels that don’t want to come off? Suffice it to say I might now need meds.
At this point could I have called it a day, erased that silly blog about fragrance oils and cancer and all that jazz, and just thrown some of that stuff in my lip balm!? Yes I could have, but I didn’t, and I never will. I will search to the ENDS OF THE EARTH (ya know using Google) for healthy alternatives to commercial yuckiness. Well the GREAT news is they make extracts in powdered form, otherwise known as cooking spices! Duh! They can be a little pricey, but if you buy in bulk, they’re not that bad.
So ladies and gentlemen, the birth of Cocoa, Chai, and Pumpkin Pie Lip Balm!!! YUM!!! And a million other possibilities for the future! I also love the indirect reinforcement of my brand Body Food. When I started this whole thing I had no idea I would be incorporating products otherwise used in food preparation. I’m from a very pun-loving family so you can imagine the thrill.
The moral of the story? Don’t give up, be persistent, TELL THAT LIP BALM WHO’S BOSS!!!! And you might just come out smelling like Pumpkin Pie!!
Having unsuspecting family members and co-workers sniff my armpits daily is my new favorite past time! As outrageous as that is however, it is not my confession. I wish it was. Let's see, where should I start...
So I was super excited to work on and release some new all-natural products that I had running around in my brain since the inception of my Body Food original lotion. One of them, as you might now know is a chemical free deodorant. I did my homework like I always do and came up with a product I was pretty happy with, HOWEVER (this is the confession part)...I was trying to figure out a way to sell a chemical free deodorant without actually using it...there I SAID IT!!
You see, I am probably not the poster child for the 'all-natural' lifestyle when it comes down to it. I mean, I wear make-up everyday, I eat (and love) McDonald's cheeseburgers (gasp!), and I readily take Motrin if I have a headache without batting an eye (I am an RN after all so I do appreciate some of the benefits of modern medicine). I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm not really the swing through the trees, climb a mountain, 'sweat under the armpits' type. So when I started reading up on all-natural, DIY type deodorants I knew I wanted to develop one with the yummy Body Food lotion as a base ingredient, but I wanted to develop it for other people, who were, you know, 'natural.'
Well it was the weekend when I perfected the products and I was already pretty stinky, still running around in my PJs at 2 in the afternoon in 90 degree heat so I decided, what the heck! I'll try it for the weekend, and then maybe even use it on the weekends in the future!! That way I can tell people I use it! But of course, not during the week, I mean I have a real job!
Well...by Sunday night after using it for the weekend (SANS SHOWERING! Don't look at me like that, it was the weekend!), I tell you what...I AM A COMPLETE CONVERT!! AND...(drum roll)...I HAVE NOT WORN CANCER CAUSING, ALUMINUM CONTAINING, 'REGULAR' DEODORANT SINCE!!
Now I really thought that these folks who claimed all-natural, homemade deodorant worked 'better' than store bought stuff were spending a little too much time sniffing their kid's glue sticks, but I have to say, I WAS WRONG (that's only the 3rd time I've ever said that and the other 2 times I was mistaken).
I really can't believe it. I have used both my original recipe as well as my sensitive skin recipe and both have worked beautifully. I have only reapplied twice in the same day once, and I think that was hormone related. I have not had a 'detox' phase. I have not been sweaty, itchy, or uncomfortable in any way. I know...it's hard to swallow, but it's true. The only thing that went slightly awry is when I applied the full strength baking soda recipe to my pits right after shaving (smart), not fun. When you think about it, baking soda is a salt, so that's pretty much what it felt like, which mind you, was the inception of the Sensitive Skin recipe. So I guess it's good that happened. However the original recipe is totally fine if it's not a shave day.
So, are you ready to stop shoving metal in your pit pores?? If so, try out some chemical free Body Food deodorant TODAY!!
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I am a wife, a mom, and a registered nurse. I also happen to be a chemistry geek and a researchaholic! Welcome to the Body Food® blog!